MOTHER-IN-LAW'S
TONGUE - HELLO WHIPLASH
Virginia
could barely keep on the road as she painfully made
her way home. Stiff neck, sore shoulders, agony
- the result of Mother-in-Law's Tongue Whiplash.
Virginia
had innocently been out and about when she had stumbled
upon a beautiful photo album that she thought her mother-in-law
might like. Like....that would be a first for
her mother-in-law. She had never liked anything
in her life....except her grown baby boy - Virginia's
husband.
Virginia
supposed that she would do most anything to get into
her mother-in-law's good graces. Graces.....well,
Mother didn't have any of that, either. Nonetheless,
Virginia had dropped by Mother's house with her
gift and she wasn't two steps inside the hallway when
Mother's giant tongue attacked her, rendering a painful
episode of Mother-In-Law Whiplash.
Virginia
watched in a stupor as Mother packed the photo album
with pictures of her own self, of pictures of her grown
baby, and then with more photos of herself in her younger
days - her younger pregnant days to be quite specific.
Mother had eased out amid her stuffing, "Not
enough room for you in the family album, Virginia."
She laughed, then mocked, "Your name always
reminded me of a ham! Virginia. Ham. Hee
hee, ha ha..." Then more laughing - a laugh that
sounded a bit like a wild witch.
Virginia
wanted to toss out, "Let's not be so formal, Mother.
Just call me Virgin," but she had been too much
of a human to do such. Mother wasn't human. In
fact, her husband was probably a result of immaculate
conception because he couldn't possibly be related to
this - this....this Mother Thing.
As Virginia
pulled into her driveway she decided that she was never
going to hold out the peacepipe again to Mother. In
fact, she couldn't wait to take some photos of the old
hag - and she'd be certain to snap some lulu's. Yeah.
Those would look perfect in Mother's new photo
album, Virginia decided, her Whiplash already feeling
a bit better.
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